About Us

Kids bored at home? Frustrated with the lack of quality after school programs? We’ve heard you loud and clear.

Little Crime Academy provides a safe’ish after school environment for your children to learn valuable skills not taught anywhere else. Why pay for expensive after school programs that have your kids gluing popsicle sticks together when they can learn how to forge signatures, steal lunches and even commit wire fraud.

Your kids will turn a profit in days or your money back! Guaranteed!

We offer different programs for different ages - all taught by experienced criminals!

*Please note: The Kidnapping and Extortion program will not be offered this summer.

Full-time After School Programs

We recommend full-time enrollment according to your child’s age group, however you may select individual classes from the curriculum as a part-time option.

Beginner (ages 1-3)

• biting
• pushing
• hitting
• scratching
• hair pulling
• spitting
• eye gouging
• grabbing

Junior (ages 4-6)

• punching
• kicking
• intimidation
• lying
• bribing
• threatening
• stealing
• improvised weapons

Intermediate (ages 7-9)

• smoking
• drinking
• gambling
• prescription drugs
• plagerism
• street selling
• intimidation level 2
• lying level 2
• bribing level 2
• threatening level 2
• stealing level 2
• deception

Recruits (ages 10+) co-op’s available

• drug making & procurement
• networking
• embezzlement
• advanced intimidation
• advanced threatening
• advanced stealing
• blackmailing
• ransom
• wire fraud
• system software hacking
• basic money laundering
• driving
• court appearance preparedness
• hostage negotiations
• off-shore banking
• kidnapping & extortion unavailable

*photos used were stolen and unsourced by former graduates

Your child’s criminal career starts here!