How To Win Every Argument - A Guide For Men

Introduction

Men, we’ve all been there. You’re smack in the middle of a disagreement, you know you’re right, and yet somehow, it’s starting to look like this might be a… conversation. Ugh. But fear not! This guide has all the tips you need to win the argument, assert dominance, and totally, definitely not make it worse.

Step 1: The Assertive Interrupt

If she’s talking, she’s not listening to how right you are. Cut her off right away. Assertive interruptions are scientifically proven (by absolutely no one) to get your point across faster and louder. Remember, the louder your voice, the more accurate your argument.

• Pro Tip: Instead of waiting for a pause, jump in at her most passionate point. This is where she’ll remember you most!

Example

• Her: “I just feel like you don’t understand—”
• You: “Okay, but that’s not even what I’m saying.” Boom. Point for you.

Step 2: The “Actually” Technique

The word “actually” is a linguistic miracle, capable of making even your wildest theories sound like cold, hard fact. Here’s how it works: No matter what she says, you say “Actually…” before your rebuttal, as if you’re correcting her on some basic principle of life she should have learned by age six.

• Pro Tip: Add a long pause after saying “Actually” to imply that you’re gathering your vast wisdom before setting her straight.

Example

• Her: “You never listen to me.”
• You: “Actually… I listen to you all the time. You just didn’t know it because I don’t always respond.” She’ll be speechless.

Step 3: Bring Out the Sacred Scroll of Old Arguments

Why let the past stay in the past when you can use it as ammunition? Open up the archives and go deep. Remember that thing she did three years ago with the laundry? Now’s your chance to bring it up!

• Pro Tip: Get specific. “You always do this” or “This is just like last time” really makes her feel understood.

Example

• Her: “Can we stay on topic?”
• You: “Oh, I am on topic. You did this exact thing last Thanksgiving. Remember?”

Step 4: Facts Don’t Matter; Only Victory Does

Forget accuracy, data, or consistency. The key here is conviction. Statements like “You know I’m always the logical one” or “Everyone knows this” have a universal quality that science has yet to disprove.

• Pro Tip: If she presses you for evidence, make up a statistic on the spot. “Studies show that 98% of people think I’m right,” for example, has never failed.

Example

• Her: “Who says?”
• You: “Everyone. People everywhere are on my side about this.” She’ll appreciate your popularity with ‘everyone.’

Step 5: The Power Move - Turn Your Wrongness into Her Misinterpretation

If you realize—oh no—that you might not actually be right, quickly pivot to make it about her “interpretation” of your statement. This technique is excellent because it introduces a meta-layer, making her question her grasp on reality itself.

• Pro Tip: Using a patronizing tone will maximize the effect. She’ll feel too embarrassed to question you further.

Example

• Her: “But you literally said that we should go left.”
• You: “No, you misunderstood me. I said we should consider going left.” Enjoy watching her try to mentally replay that conversation.

Step 6: Sigh Deeply and Shake Your Head

Words only go so far, but gestures? Priceless. The exaggerated sigh and head shake says, “I can’t believe I have to explain this.” It’s a subtle way to make her feel like you’re doing her a favor by being in this argument at all.

• Pro Tip: If she calls you out for being patronizing, just sigh even louder. She’s clearly not understanding the point you’re making through heavy breathing alone.

Example

• Her: “Can you stop sighing?”
• You: “I just… I’m sorry. This is exhausting.” She’ll feel terrible for making you so tired.

Step 7: The World-Class Exit Line: “We’ll Just Agree to Disagree”

If she’s still sticking to her side of the argument, this is where you pull the big guns. Nothing says, “I’m so right I don’t need to explain myself” like a good old “We’ll just agree to disagree.” It’s as if you’re doing her the kindness of letting her have an opinion, even though, let’s be real, it’s wrong.

• Pro Tip: Try using a dismissive wave when you say it. If you time it right, she’ll know you’ve moved on from this petty disagreement and are now, emotionally, somewhere better.

Example

• Her: “Why won’t you just admit you’re wrong?”
• You: “Let’s agree to disagree.” If that doesn’t get a silence, nothing will.

Step 8: The Triumph Lap - Extra Techniques to Show You’ve Clearly Won

a) Bring Up Irrelevant Facts to Dazzle

• Throw in facts that are tangentially related, like “Did you know that elephants are the only mammals that can’t jump?” It adds a mysterious air of authority to your argument.

b) Make Her Feel Like She’s the First Person to Ever Question You

• The phrase “I’ve never had anyone else disagree with me on this” will instantly make her feel like she’s possibly the problem.

c) Redirect Her Focus to an Unrelated Task

• Suddenly ask her to check on something—anything. “Have you looked at the car’s tire pressure lately?” This one’s so left-field she’ll be too dazed to continue. She’ll probably even make you a sandwich.

Conclusion

If you’ve followed these steps carefully, then you’ve come out on top. Or at the very least, she’s stormed out of the room, leaving you blissfully alone, vindicated, and wondering why you didn’t use these tactics sooner. And, if by some twist of fate, she didn’t walk away convinced of your righteousness? There’s always next time.